Why is it so hard to say we have a problem and move on?
As part of recovery from any addiction one must totally accept that they are negatively impacted by the behavior and determine that they are better off not playing with fire and should eliminate the behavior forever from their life. Piece of cake!
Well, not really; more like eating humble pie – which seems to be a difficult thing to do. In my own life, I have found that whenever I begin to think that I don’t have an issue or that maybe my issue wasn’t as bad as I have made it out to be, I realize I have two things that trigger my addictive behaviors:
- Shame – My concern that my family, a past employer, or a future unknown person will judge me because of what I have claimed is an addictive nature is overwhelming.
- Ego – My ego takes over from my higher power or inner guide and tells me that I have this problem under control and that I am the one who really did it, not that I gave up trying to be in control, admitted total defeat, and humbly asked for help.
It amazes me that I can feel so positive and happy about the changes I have made yet want to minimize either needing to work a program or that I really am not successful when I try and run my days. Then I look at all of the blogs on addiction and realize that many people find the power of blogging cathartic, but many fear being known and therefore hide behind screen names. And I will tell you that is okay. In fact it helps me to push aside my shame and ego because I know that many of us really worry about the sharing of our issues. Why? Well it is embarrassing because we don’t want to be different than others or admit our failures. We don’t want to have to be vulnerable because we know the opening and owning of our issues will get comments that aren’t positive.
A blogger who has created a career as an author and a host of a community blog kept her identity hidden until she came out on national television to publicize her book. She does an honest job recounting the fear of coming out, and for me I appreciated it as a story to help me remember that when it comes to the fears of exposing our addictions and our recovery we all have fears.
And then I recall Gabriel Bernstein’s book Miracles May Occur, which focuses readers on work to separate their ego from their inner guide. In the work she stresses that the ego works hard to keep you in fear because it needs fear, anxiety, and negative feelings to stay strong and in control. So when a voice starts to derail my recovery program by telling me I don’t need it or change my decision to be public about my experience I say, “just stop it ego…inner guide take over!” and I am back on my best path.
Susan Aplin Pogue
began her career in personal development after many years focused on self-development and improvement work. Her experiences led her to discover tools and practices that she was inspired to share with other people through her blog work. Additionally, she has created and facilitated leadership trainings for executive teams in corporate and small businesses. Susan is a public speaker, and has addressed audiences on topics ranging from leadership to time management. Her mission is to share practical and powerful self-management techniques to those in recovery from any aspect of their life that has begun to negatively impact their well-being and quality of life. She holds a Bachelor’s Degree in English from the University of Colorado, Boulder, a Certification in Emergenetics ® , and a Certification in DDI Management Skills ®. Her work draws upon her background in corporate training and human resource departments, as well as her life experiences. Susan’s blog work is published by The Neurosculpting ® Institute. Transform, Inspire, Thrive.